I feel this workout will result in tons of hate mail. I’m about to demonize healthy food. I have a caveat and explanation, so I beg you to hear me out. But I’m also programming a KILLER of a workout.
The Environmental Working Group, a research group specializing in agricultural pollutants, produces the Dirty Dozen and Clean Fifteen every year. These are the fruits and vegetables EWG found contain the highest amount of pesticides (in conventional farming). They encourage consumers to be wary of the foods on the Dirty Dozen list. Only purchase the foods which are organically grown, or from sources you personally trust.
I’m not going to go so far into the details of why or how 2019’s Dirty Dozen got on the list. I’m more for teaching you that there IS a list that exists telling you which foods can have high levels of pesticide in them, due to conventional farming practices. Key word- CAN. Just be wary when purchasing foods in the supermarket. Buy organic if possible, shop a farmers market if possible. These foods are still amazing for you. I’d never tell you NOT to eat kale or strawberries, just be careful where you get your kale and strawberries from.
There’s a popular style of workout in CrossFit called the Dirty Thirty. Usually, it’s 7-10 exercises which you do thirty reps of each exercise. It’s sometimes grueling, and I’m not about making you hate exercise, I just thought it was cute to pair Dirty Dozen with Dirty Thirty. I also choose exercises which work well for a thirty rep count to challenge you but not overwhelm you. You can thank me later.
Dirty Dozen, Dirty Thirty
Perform 30 reps of each exercise (named after the Dirty Dozen for 2019):
Strawberry Step-ups: on a stool, step, or sturdy bench, place one foot on the step. Press into the step and lift your whole body off the ground, placing both feet on the step. Slowly lower your foot back to the ground (this protects the knees and works your quads, glutes, and hamstrings more). Switch legs and repeat. For this exercise, unless you are hard-core, do 30 total step-ups, not 30 each side.
Spinach Sit-ups: Sit with feet together and knees touching ground. Keeping legs in position, lay down to touch back to ground, placing arms above head. Sit up, straightening back and bringing hands to touch the laces of your shoe or the balls of your feet. Count each sit up as one repetition.
Kale Kangaroo Jumps: Start in standing position. Bend slightly down and swing arms back to help with propulsion, then jump as far forward as you can, letting your body land in a squat to stabilize your effort.
Nectarine NOOOO! Burpees! (yeah, there are no exercises starting with “N”): From standing, lower your hands to the ground. Jump or step your feet back to a plank position, then lower yourself to the ground. Push back up to a plank. Jump or step your feet back to your hands, and then jump up to standing.
Apple Arm Circles: After burpees, you get a reprieve. Stand in neutral position, raise your arms so they are straight out from your shoulder. Circle arms thirty times in a forward motion, then thirty times in a backward motion, keeping the circles tight and small.
Grape Glute Bridge-Lay on your back with your feet together on the ground and knees bent. Place your hands either on the ground beside you or behind your head. Keeping your feet on the ground, lift your butt and lower back off the ground. Use your glutes to raise your hips as high as you can and remain stable. SLOWLY lower your body back to the floor.
Peach Push-ups: Start in a plank position, on your hands. Lower your body to the ground by bending your elbows, keeping them close to your body. Return to plank by pressing your body up. If regular push-ups are too difficult, go to your knees, or do a push-up against a chair, bench, or desk.
Cherry Crunch: Lay on your back on the ground, with knees bent. Bring your hands to the back of your neck to stabalize the head. Lift your head and shoulders off the ground, using your core. Hold for a second and then release back to the floor.
Pear Peacock Jacks:Jump from a neutral standing position and flare out all four limbs while in the air. Legs kick out and hands circle wide around your body. Land in neutral stance and repeat .
Tomato Triceps: (you may want a weight for this exercise, but it isn’t one hundred percent necessary) Stand with feet together, knees soft (slightly bent). Hinging at your hips, bend over your legs so your chest slightly hangs over your knees. Place your elbows to your side. With or without weights in your hand (you can even use your water bottle, make your own weights, or use a resistance band), hinge your arms so they are perpendicular to your body. Straighten the arms out to parallel, or flush with body. Repeat motion while time is going for workout.
Celery Cycle Crunch: Sit on the ground with your legs long and lift them a few inches off the ground. Lean your torso about 45 degrees and place fingertips behind your head. Press your head into your hands and your hands into your head. This will keep your neck stabilized. Keep your stomach tight, and suck your core in (without forgetting to breathe). Bring your right knee to your chest while twisting your torso to bring your left elbow to the right knee. Return to start position, and repeat with your left knee and right elbow.
Potato Plank Hold (30 seconds): Place your hands on the ground and place your feet so your body is in as straight a line as possible. Stay on your hands, or go to your elbows. Breathe, but keep core tight. Hold for 30 seconds.
Again, this is NOT a list of foods to avoid. These are healthy foods and SHOULD be eaten in a healthy diet. The issue with the foods above is that they have a tendency to be grown conventionally with harsh pesticides. Even if the pesticides do absolutely nothing to our bodies (which I have to lean towards the idea they DO harm our bodies, but that’s just my opinion), these chemicals can wreak havoc on the environment. Especially to pollinators like bees. So, enjoy the Dirty Dozen. Just be wary of them, and enjoy them responsibly.